MY VAGINA IS NOT WALMART!!
It is 12:00 pm on Sunday. I don’t know why I choose to be vulgar on Sunday’s. Maybe it’s because I feel the closest to God on Sunday’s. Like he is going to reach down with a big tooth brush filled with soap and …make me clean until Monday gets me dirty again.
I have been sincerely flattered by how many people have written or called because they are concerned that I have not been posting much on my blog. I do get tired people and 90 miles an hour does require some decomposition. I spent the past week letting the decay of all the data I have collected sink into my mind while I continue to network and LIVE. Yes, living is now a part of the balance that I am a cunts hair away from achieving. CUNT……
That feels better…. Like a good stretch…. .or an annual exam with the green light on for healthy…
I have had a busy week and an annual exam was on the list. I actually slowed down long enough to find myself a new doctor and I had my vagina checked. I am no longer a patient at Olympia Obstetrics because they sent me home without being seen because I was five minutes late. The issue being that by the time I made it through the LINE in reception to officially check in for my appointment it was FIFTEEN after.
I was a bit annoyed that I stood in line for ten minutes too but I was polite. I waited with curtsey because they were too busy to check me in right away or understaffed.. Corporate…???
My vagina is not Walmart
I probably could have slid in sooner and snuck in closer to twelve minutes past my appointment time IF I hadn’t almost been mowed over by a desperately late and disheveled red swollen woman wearing capris and flip flops. I was amazed at the stretch of plastic between her sausage toes because this woman was flying like an Ethiopian sprinter trying to catch the last gazelle on earth before the baby dropped from her empty breast in starvation. This woman knew the drill and she wasn’t about to be late because her vagina was in desperate need of attention. Her bundle wailed as she swung her carrier like Atilda the Hun. An unkempt toddler trailed behind her as snot oozed in precession of each step. I watched her breasts heave, flushed past the milky white of health and into the fleshy tones of upheaval.
My Vagina is not Walmart
I found a new doctor for my vagina and her office feels like a spa!!!!!! I shit you not people my vagina gets the spa treatment. Lynn Okita A.R.N.P. (360) 359-7013
NOW ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS FOR PRIMARY CARE. Lynn is not an OB so if you are in need to an OB appointment I suggest you stand in line. You will not find me standing in that line because I refuse to procreate until the world makes some sort of sense.
If you do not plan on having children right now and want your vagina checked out in a spa like atmosphere Lynn Okita is the one to see. The building was a spa before it was a doctor’s office. The interior designer was brilliant and the medical care there now is PERSONAL and PROFICIANT.
Lynn Okita does PRIMARY CARE which means she sees all kinds of patients and while my vagina is splendid she does check other body parts too. She is not just a vagina doctor. I just wanted to see how many times I could squeeze out the word vagina before
my profanity free kid’s club at 1:30.
Amber Garibay is PG and family friendly every Sunday from 1:30-4:00 in observance of her religion……. FITNESS
My Vagina is not Walmart
I shit you not people my vagina gets the spa treatment. Lynn Okita A.R.N.P. (360) 359-7013
COMING SOON………. RRR.COM
The adventures of RUBBER, my yellow cock. (Google it)
I didn’t blog on Wednesday because I was having my vagina checked and I am happy to report that there are no cavities. There will also be no children because I am already being accused of being selfish for wanting a career, and not spending enough time with my one child. All I can say to that is if you are concerned about my child ask her what she thinks of me. Sapphire Rain has strong opinions though sometimes she chooses to keep them to herself. She tends to be a bit private and at the age of ten I would call her conservative with liberal tendencies. She has a sound mind and I am sure she would not mind telling people what she thinks. She tells me. She tells me all the time. Two days ago she got on my ass because a little bit of skin was showing between my shirt and the midriff of my low-rise miss me jeans. She made it seem like I was walking around naked and the shirt is stunning. The front has a light linen texture with the softness of silk. The color is rich, deep aqua, too vivid to be water, more like the feathers of a peacock. My eyes become mirrors when I adorn myself in peacock feathers. The back of the blouse is translucent floral. The material is dark so it gives the shaded illusion of skin but not enough to be blatant. The same is true of the hem line. It curves like the arch of a woman’s belly button but it hangs just to the kisses the hips. The blouse is understated sophistication, casual sexy. I will take a picture of it later today and post them on my blog….
The adventures of RUBBER, my yellow cock (google it)
The image attached to this blog was taken by my new apprentice Vanessa Pete. Vanessa Pete and Doty Calnan will be learning the in’s and out’s of my photography business so I can travel and continue working on my franchise. This was Vanessa’s very first session at a photographer.
She is really talented or I am a good teacher. :):)
Filed under vagina walmart women funny
TODAY!!!! www.asmilelikeyours.com
My dear friend Tami Fuller asked for a reminder and THIS IS IT!!!! :):):) YES!!!! Mr. Chick and the Chix Kid’s fitness club is meeting TODAY from 1:30-2:30 at Rainier Vista Park. All are welcome, and attendance is FREE.
My NEW cell phone number is (360)878-5936 call me if you arrive and can’t find us. We usually start at one of the covered picnic areas (there are two) and then we do the mile route with kid’s in tow for cardio.
Things to b…ring if you have them….
1. roller-skates
2. bike
3. Tennis Shoes
4. balls of any kind
5. music/headphones
THERE IS MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OREO Protein Shake Social at LUFC!!!!!
At the end of each Sunday Kid’s club we drive over to Lacey Ultimate Fitness Center and the kids all get protein shakes as a treat for their hard work and effort. The shakes come in a large variety of flavors and the kids LOVE THEM!!!!!! :):):) It brings me back to the days when baseball games ended with a scoop at Baskin and Robbins. Our Sunday tradition- STRONGER ICECREAM- STRONGER KIDS
Shakes are around $5- LUFC accepts visa and mastercard as well.
I don’t want to stay because I have been here before and it is all too familiar. Moments of passion and heat quickly become diluted when the expectations of life present the reality of love. My youthful heart was bound to it and if you asked me then what I was willing to give to hold if forever the answer was everything. God could have my soul when I drew my last breath but I planned on loving him forever and I would give him everything….
How do I like being single after giving love everything I had for sixteen years? How do I feel about Ricardo dating… about him making love to other women? How do I feel knowing that I have nothing solid to hold onto at thirty five years of age….
I intend to reach up until I can hold the stars because the prospects here on earth just aren’t working for me. I don’t see any reason to be here if the dreams I have can’t be made true and LOVE….
Love is wasted on people who never knew its worth…
These are the messages I get from single men..
“Honestly, very turned on to you and attracted to you, if we hit it off - you won’t be able to walk for days. I can cum on your pictures 10 times tonight, wow.”
“hey so I’ll be honest, I’m just looking for a hookup/fwb thing. I have pics I can send to you if you are interested. I’m 5’8” 175 lbs and fit. I just moved to Lakewood and don’t know anyone yet so that’s why I’m here. Hope to hear from you soon!”
My dear darling TESS…
Notice the addition to your salutation? :)
Thought I would try some tenderness in honor of my idol, Mr. Otis Redding..
I do often enjoy your choice in music..after all you are the Muse my dear..
OK..So your blog is all about sugar and spice of late..such a departure from the former state of things ..
Sunshine-lollipops-and-rainbows are the flavor of the merry month of May I suppose..
A little sad, and quite unnerving to read such unadulterated positivity on a regular basis..
Fine, if one has a chronic sweet-tooth appetite..and a painted on clown smile..
I hunger for something raw..something on the fringe of spoil..a crumb swept from under the table..perhaps some hard stale crust from the edge of last months pie..or a slice of pizza that is stuck to the box since someday nights party..
I do adore your sensitivity..and your smiley faces..but I came here for the TRUTH my dear..don’t omit what lies beneath those lacy pantaloons..we want to see more…
I so hope that you succeed in your quest..and achieve what you dream of..but not without the cost of bearing your soul..write who you are..show us your twisted bowels..this is what sells..then success will come..
This world is buying BS..and the smell has become sweet..not everyone swallows the wad of modern advertising which airbrushes out the wrinkles in the product..sell, sell, sell..at any cost..an inferior product..but they buy it all..lock-stock-barrel..
Just an observant eye from the face of your adoring public..being HONEST..
Observe this if you please.. :)
Still a fan.. ~LEX~
My dearest dashing LEX.
How generous of you to still be a fan after reading now for close to a year. I suppose it should be my great honor that you still hold me in your fancy after all this time, especially considering your veracious appetite for a fresh kill. Consummate Consumer, of course you want it RAW. It is interesting that you find perversion in my new found happiness but not surprising. People get off on pain because it reminds them they are normal, and I feed you mine to remind you that you are FAT. There is no need to waste a feast when life can be tasted as sunshine. Leave the crumbs to the mice, surely you are wise enough to know that a taste only leaves wanting……..
Perhaps I should allow you to eat cherries from my paraffin dipped toes while nuzzling my skin which smells like coconut and lime. You mentioned being hungry…
BIO- Dawn is currently 35 years old, single, unemployed, obese, and incapacitated due to reoccurring migraine headaches. She sent me a message on facebook asking me to help her reclaim her life. She has agreed to share her story and I will be working with her until she either makes it or quits.
I handed her a pen and I told her to write. “Write down what you want for your life. Make a list of the things you hope for.”
We were in the kitchen but the tears came as soon as she walked through my door. I hadn’t spoken to her in nearly twenty years but she hadn’t forgotten my heart. She wrote me because she was in trouble and this time she couldn’t see her way out of it. She couldn’t see her way past tears. “All it takes to change is ONE STEP in a new direction Dawn, and you just walked through my door. There are almost two decades between us but you didn’t let that stop you. You didn’t worry about me saying no because you knew that I would be here for you and that if you reached out and took my hand your life would change. The life you live is a CHOICE…. Now WRITE!!!!!” 
We talked for over an hour but her paper remained blank. I nudged her gently throughout the conversation which was laden with the anguish cries of a heart that had been broken by life. She had been betrayed by it and after nearly forty years of giving it her all she couldn’t bare to hope. “There are no wrong answers Dawn, write something, write anything, we just need a beginning and the rest of the story will write itself. The moment you allow yourself to put it down on paper it becomes real. What do you want???”
Her shoulders were like weights but she wouldn’t let go of them. “Write something Dawn, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you want.” Her body gave way to the spasm of more tears as her pen hovered shaky over a sheet still frozen by white noise. She was lost in the blizzard of too many memories. “What do you want right now! Write is down. Your first thought…”
I WANT TO FEEL BETTER
“How do you feel Dawn? What is the first emotion that comes to mind?”
“I feel angry,” she whispered.
“Write it down!!” I encouraged emphatically
I FEEL ANGRY
Had a FREAKING AWESOME day!!!!! Jessica Huss only has seven weeks until her very first fitness competition and I can’t wait to see her on stage. Jessica has been working with trainer Rusty Guico from Lacey Ultimate Fitness Center and she is also a fitness model for my company. We are putting together a kick ass team at LUFC!!!! LOVE IT!!!! ♥
I feel like I swallowed acid this morning. My stomach is twisted in knots, the irritation of a bowel swollen with too much to digest. I had my very first business meeting yesterday in regards to the vision I have for my brand and the network I am trying to build. The heart of my story is fitness and health so that is where I began. I requested an audience with Gary Briggs the owner of Lacey Ultimate Fitness. I was especially interested to talk to his partner Ivy because Rusty told me that she has some fabulous ideas in regards to children’s fitness.
Mr. Chic (pronounced CHICK) and the Chix is the rated PG affiliate of The adventures of RUBBER, my yellow cock. I had plans to start the group months and months ago but time proved to be an obstacle that I could not overcome and so it did not move forward as I had planned. It was the expulsion of my daughter from her dance studio that forced my hand. I created the facebook page for her group a few days after she was asked not to return to dance and her dad got her a membership to Tumwater Valley Athletic club. I would have preferred that she join my gym, Lacey Ultimate Fitness Center, but there are not currently children’s fitness options available so our business went elsewhere.
Eric found my blog on Bodybuilding.com and if you want to hear an inspirational weight loss story let me tell you that Eric is the guy you want to talk to. His journey from Fat to Fit is being followed by nearly 1,000 people on facebook because he is winning against impossible odds and he is doing it the old fashioned way, through fitness and nutrition.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Smile-Like-Yours-Photography/300495929033?sk=wall&filter=2¬if_t=wall#!/pages/My-Journey-from-Fat-to-Fit/231815263543173
Eric and I became friends quite some time ago even though he lives in Eastern Washington. He read my blog this morning, which is unfinished, and he became immediately concerned that I had left Lacey Ultimate Fitness Center. Eric knows that I love my gym more than anything. He commented immediately after reading that we took our business elsewhere because of our daughter Sapphire.
“:( So you are leaving your gym at Lacey?”
Eric the answer to your question is NO WAY!!! LACEY ULTIMATE FITNESS CENTER IS MY GYM!!!!
I am LOYAL to the businesses I love and Lacey Ultimate Fitness Center is the best gym in town without question. I enrolled my daughter at a different gym but I plan to do everything I can to bring her home to LUFC. Fitness is a lifestyle and FAMILY is the heart of that. I want to see if there is a feasible option to incorporate a few children’s fitness classes at LUFC. If that day comes my daughter will be the first to sign up. She is ten years old and loves Zumba and Yoga.
I have work to do but first…. I need to go work out!!!!! It is time for a gym break but perhaps I should shower first being that it is nearly 1:00.
Gary Briggs, owner of Lacey Ultimate Fitness Center, and his co partner Ivy, was kind enough to invest two hours with me yesterday to hear the outline of my business plan which is still too raw to see as a concrete investment. Gary commended me on my ideas and said he was interested to see them come together in a more structured fashion. Gary gave me a great gift during yesterdays meeting. The reward came in the form of the QUESTIONS he asked- He asked me “How does your photography business tie into what you are doing with your blog?” He challenged me to show him the correlation. I will be writing about Tye Rae and VIRTUAL FITNESS RESULTS later today or tomorrow. If you want to follow this story please check back. I am a busy, busy lady!!!
My immortality was carried in by doves as a gift for my fancy. Ambrosia, he promised me forever as if it were an indulgence.
“I dreamed the goddess poured ambrosia over your head—out of a ladle.” he purred. His voice was decadent, rivaled only by his gaze which strolled like a licentious tongue.
“You would like to see me dipped in chocolate then, my lord?” I bowed slightly while mischief played back in my eyes as I fed him a truffle. My fingers brushed his lips until heat fused the kiss that I would later lick from my own hand. His lips left just a taste of chocolate on my finger tips. I wondered at the chance that they might have mingled, if a moment was enough fermentation for nectar to become wine.
“Only one goddess for your appetite…” my eyes twinkled as I teased, “Let’s pray that she is fit for the ladle will soon grow heavy if you intend to cover my every inch. If you must choose one instead of many, choose the Goddess Athena. I would be in such grace to be drizzled in chocolate born of wisdom for it will take great strategy for you to get me clean again, and I will need courage to inspire you to do it with the skill of just warfare. Gluttony is a sin is it not?”
His laughter was boastful, again only bested by his eyes which took me in like “Autumn in New York”. They were light, like a leaf gently tossed with childhood memories, until boyish charm made him Peter Pan. “Oh but you see it was Hera who used ambrosia to clean all defilement from her lovely chest and she was the goddess of all women, the goddess of marriage. Perhaps I intend to make an honest woman of you??” he dangled the carrot…. (To Be Continued)
The Zombie Killer called me at two am, an hour before the devil comes out to claim time. “Are you seriously calling me at two o’clock in the morning?” I was teasing but he took it as a spanking. “Well excuse me,” he slurred, “I just saw you were online and thought I would call. I am sorry I bothered you. I will let you go…”
I was up, which is unusual, but just barely. I laid down at around six that evening thinking I could pause only to find myself fully rested and awake at an hour when many are just stumbling home, 1:14 am was the time on my iphone. I considered going back to sleep but I already felt late. I had only intended to rest because I had made promises and my white rabbit was making me a liar. I checked the messages on my phone to see what sleep had cost me….
“The bottom line is I am broke, in more ways then one…
And I don’t have any idea how to get back on my feet this time…
Nothing seems to be good anymore in this world…
Nothing is optimistic, nothing is evolving…
You said I lack energy … you were 100% right
I did send a gazillion emails out about my book to talk shows, authors, TV shows, rock stars, I have mailed over 50 hardcopies to various celebrities and have not gotten one fucking reply back….
I really don’t want to go on like this for what…?
To come home to en empty bed every night, to spend my time alone growing old in a world that is beyond fucked up?
By sending you this email I am telling you allot of things…
One of them is that if anything happens to me, you have the rights to my book, just give 50% of it to my mom and dad….You are the only one that has a clue how to market it….
Maybe you will never talk to me again now, if you don’t, i don’t blame you… I really don’t care about anything…
If there was a way I could just sign off at this very moment I would, believe me if there was a switch I could just….
I am just tired of all of this… I hope I go to sleep tonight and never wake up….”
I went flying on my date last night and I can’t wait to write about it. I was calling it “Indoor Sky Diving” before the date but now that I have done it I have to say it was more like flying. Things did not pan out the way I wanted them to today in regards to my schedule and so I will not be writing about Velvet or my date in any great detail.
The Englishman, my Englishman, works for Microsoft. I am calling him mine because I intend to claim him. He reminds me of my dear friend Mario Dees and we got along famously.
I don’t know what the cards have in store for me in regards to romance especially because my ideas of love are grounded in reality but I can tell you that if I am in charge of writing the script (which I am) The Englishman will be in my life for quite sometime and if I am lucky I made a friend for life last night. He is going to teach me how to do a proper British accent because he agreed with “Too Busy in Greenlake”… I butchered it.
Was it Love?? Will there be Romance??? Should I choose him or someone else???
I have one more date booked for the middle of next week and then zip lining a few weeks after. I do not plan to go on more until I have had time to process the ones I have been on. I will be dating as time allows and writing about each adventure as I go. I am going to have my readers help me make my first date selections so this should get interesting fast!!!
I do intend to keep certain things private which means that I will leave you to wonder. The man that I fall in love with will be kept SECRET. I will reveal his identity in my book and I plan to remain SINGLE until it is published as a best seller.
I am planning a trip to California in seven weeks and I have a great deal of networking left to do to fund the trip and lock down the details. I will be getting those affairs in order first and then….. Love???
Who can say!! I know that ALL of the men I have been out with are extraordinary and that I would consider it a deep and regrettable loss if life does not at the very least allow me their friendship. I have much to write and even more to be grateful for, my recent company this month in standing. There are plenty of good men out there waiting to be found…
If you are single lady looking for love you should send me an email. I might have been on a date with your future husband. Rubberluvsme2@yahoo.com
